


Confessions

by Ghostsucks



Category: Ghost (Swedish Band)
Genre: Confessions, F/M, Mutual Pining, feeling confessions, more tags to be added with next chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:26:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27018028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostsucks/pseuds/Ghostsucks
Summary: You have had unspoken feelings for Cardinal Copia for some time. Finally working up the courage to seek advice from Papa Emeritus the Third during confession.
Relationships: Cardinal Copia/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> So this is based off a dream i had a few months ago. Its been sitting in my WIPs for quite some time. I’m grateful i was finally able to finish it off!

As you sat in the dark chapel. Sitting in the front pew, a few fellow siblings to your left waiting with you. The space lit by the moonlight and the flickering of a hundred candles. When Papa Emeritus the Third held confessions, he loved to do it in a more natural state. You all sat patiently waiting for your turn to speak to the man himself. You wondered if the siblings with you, especially so late with only 45 minutes left of confession where there for the right reasons. It was not unknown for Papa III to take a bedmate for the night, so this is when they would try to win his momentary affections. 

You had genuine issues, and you prayed that he could help. To help rid you of your thoughts and pain. The ache that lived deep in your heart becoming too much, too bare with every passing glance, every thought, every dream. 

Watching the current occupant, a brother of sin leaving the booth; you stood up. Smoothing out your habit, ignoring the fact you will be in the same seated position again. Your heel echoed as you hastily walked. Taking your spot on the opposite side of the booth to Papa. 

“Papa, I have come seeking advice” your voice loud in the small, quiet box. The heat and lack of air in the cramped space getting to you almost immediately. 

“Si, How can I help?” his voice, velvety smooth, rang from the other side of the partition. 

You paused for a moment, your heart rushing as a lump in your throat formed “I lust for a man who has no interest in me” you spoke clearer than you expected yourself too. 

“How do you not he does not lust for you, Cara?” Papa questioned you. 

“When I walk the halls and I see him.. his gaze is never directed at me,” you paused, feeling the ever-growing lump in your throat “he will always look at the sister next to me, the brother behind me. When my eyes meet his, he always looks away. Looking to somewhere else, anywhere else but me. I’m afraid I am not enough.” a tear pooled in the corner of your eye. You prayed Papa couldn’t hear the crack in your voice as saying the words out loud tore you slightly apart. “I spend time with him. Help him where he needs, laugh at his jokes, but he never looks at me. His eyes are always somewhere else.” The tear made its way down your cheek as more formed in its place “I dream of him, long for his touch.”

“You have a friendship with this man?” You had briefly forgotten Papa was there, feeling like you were back in your dorm room rehearsing what you would say tonight. 

“I would like to believe that, Papa. Part of my duties sometime require me to go to him, to help him where he needs; but every time I hear he requires my assistance, my heart leaps at the thought that perhaps this time he needs help with something more,” you paused, trying to think of the words to use next. Knowing Papa most likely knew what you were about to say. 

“You hope he will ask you to join him in his bed, si?” Papa’s voice cuts through the silence. The words almost like a knife through your heart. A piercing reminder of what you wish would be. 

“Yes, Papa” your voice coming out as a whisper. The small space affording you the luxury of having Papa hear you. 

“Si, sorella. Your Papa understands. Perhaps you could wait around until I finish confessional? Wait for me and we shall have the time to talk more, hm?” 

“Yes. Okay, Papa” You felt grateful that Papa will hear you out more, maybe even give you more advice on how to deal with your yearning. 

Exiting the booth you almost felt at peace when the cooler air bouncing off the stone walls hit your sweating skin. The siblings that were still left waiting were still giggling. One pushing the other up as they looked back to each other, red faced and nervous. The evidence is clear: they were trying to get Papa into their bed tonight. You just hoped a few teasing words were not enough to distract him from speaking with you. 

Even though you knew the words, the promises of needs fulfilled would not hurt your chances with speaking to Papa, seeking the advice you had come for originally; that part of your brain was loud. Telling you-you aren’t even enough to have Papa’s attention, enough for him to even wish to give you advice. 

Slumping back on the pew, you slung your head up to the ceiling. Watching as the light of the candles bounced and lost their strength to light the painting and decorating the high ceiling. The acoustics of the room giving your sign a chance to be heard in all corners.

Lost in your own thoughts, you forgot to even keep track of the time. The only thing drawing your attention away to the thought of you and your desired dancing together in a blackened room was the sound of the confessional opening. 

The sibling you watched goes in with a plan, happy and smiling; emerging with a frown. A look of pure disappointment etched into their face as they and their friend made their way out of the chapel. 

It didn’t take long for Papa Emeritus himself to emerge. Dressed In his vestments, you couldn’t help but watch as the purple and gold fabric danced so gracefully around his feet. Your mind almost wandering once more.

“Ah, sister. I’m glad you are still here” His tone causal as he took a seat next to you. His knees touching yours. 

“Thank you, Papa. You didn’t have to take any of your personal time to help me with something so foolish” you were wringing your hands in your lap. Your palms sweating from nerves as you felt the familiar sadness prickle. 

“Si, of course. There is no need for you to be so nervous, sister.” His leather clad hand came up to smooth across your cheek. The buttery leather soft upon your skin, “these desires, they are natural.” You could feel the heat starting to creep up your neck as the realisation set in “your papa, he thinks you are beautiful-“

“Papa, no. I’m so sorry” you moved your body away from him, “I wasn’t..” you took a chance to look up at his face. His painted features knotted in confusion “I didn’t mean you, Papa. Yes, you are very handsome and I would be lucky, but I was speaking of someone else. I’m sorry, Papa” you tried to flounder your way out of this small misunderstanding. Your brain automatically thinking the worst for unknowingly leading a Papa on and then turning him down.

“Ai, I am the one who should apologise,” he chuckled to himself. At least he was finding amusement in the conversation, “I shouldn’t be too quick to jump. I’m sorry, sister. I hope you can forgive my advances” 

“There is no need to apologise, Papa. Its just a- just a misunderstanding.” You cursed yourself. Your face feeling like it was on fire now, like you were secretly being judged under Papa’s gaze. 

“So” he replied as his body moved from touching yours. Resting back into the pew his arms went to rest on the back, his body looking more relaxed now as he addressed you “who is it that olds your attention then, hm? Who is this mystery man” he spoke as if it was more of a gossip session now; rather than him giving someone within his flock advice. 

“Its, uh” you couldn’t even bring yourself to say the words. The realisation hitting you that this would be the first time you had ever admitted your feelings for this person out loud. 

“You know what?” Papa interrupted. His hands coming to slap his knees as he hoisted himself up. Holding his hand out to assist you up as well “I am not so good with matters of the heart, but I know someone who is” the knowing smile on his face almost hiding the mischievous glint in his eye. 

Taking Papa’s hand, he wrapped it around his forearm in a most gentlemanly fashion. Guiding your through the stone halls of the church, occasionally breaking the silence to tell you an insignificant fact about a certain painting, or how he came to gain that statue of Lucifer that sat near to his office. 

The halls almost empty apart from the few siblings coming or going to other rooms. The sound of your clergy issued shoes clicking down the hall with Papa’s expensive Italian leathers. It amazed you how you could hear such a difference in quality from the sound shoes made as they tread along a wooden floor. 

It quite surprised you when Papa lead you to one of the side doors, leading you towards the private gardens. The ones you had always wished to see, but never had an upper clergy member take you inside. The thought ironic to you that Papa would be the one to take you in there.

Opening the iron gate into the gardens, the iron hinges squeaking so loud it was almost like they were screaming. Alerting whoever was inside to your immediate presence. You assumed this was a feature that was purposely placed into the gate; from stories that you heard of upper clergy sometimes enjoying the outside air with another in more ways than just the one. 

“Cardinale” Papa’s voice rose. Your feet almost stopping in their place as you realised who he was taking you to. 

“Si, Papa. I am back here” the familiar voice echoed from behind some bushes. 

Following Papas movements now, you couldn’t help but wonder how you looked. You could feel your eyes wide, and heart beginning to beat faster. The brief thought crossing your mind that Papa knew who you were talking about and somehow knowing where he was; that he purposely took you here to confess your feelings. Something you hadn’t even considered happening tonight. You didn’t even have any warning to emotionally prepare yourself, and before you knew it he was in sight. 

Copia was sitting on a bench well hidden from view. His red cassock a stark contrast to the darker bushes in the night. The one singular light within the gardens somehow producing enough light for him to read. One leg crossed over the other as a book sat comfortably in his lap; his glasses perched on the end of his nose as his eyes stayed glued to the words. A position you often had the chance to see the cardinal in; he almost always seemed to be engrossed in a book. 

“Cardinale” Papa addressed him once more. 

Copia’s eyes now raising to look at you both. His eyes darting between the two of you and then to where your arm wrapped a round Papa’s. Shock and embarrassment starting to show in the lines of his face. You could see more emotions flicking in his eyes, but as per usual his gaze never lingered long enough on you for you to decipher anything.

“I’m sorry, Papa. I did not know you were going to be here with a guest tonight. Give me a moment to pack up my things- “ Copia stood. Quickly trying to place his glasses back into their cases. Refusing to look at the both of you standing there arm in arm. 

“Cardinal, no. The sister here came to me for advice and I did not feel like I was the best to help her,” Papa interrupted him. Informing him of the real reason you both were there. The look in his eyes slightly easing.

Copia stopping his movements to look up at you. His eyes avoiding your gaze in a way that you knew all too much. That familiar sting as you tried to figure out a way to get out of this situation unscathed. 

“Si, uh, sure. I can- I can help” he nodded his head towards Papa. The shock expression on his face unchanging. 

“Bene” Papa clapped his hands together “then I shall leave you two to it” with a small bow to both of you, you were the only one to return it. Watching as Papa disappeared out of sight and the iron gate screeched once more. An audible signal to you both that you were alone. 

“Well, sister. Uh, how can I help” Copia questioned you, his voice shaking as you could sense his own nervousness from having you just thrust upon him like this “please, have a seat” he gestured to the spot next to him. 

Taking a seat next to him, you took a deep breath. Your nose immediately flooded with the smell of him. A smell you could only describe as dead flowers and ritual incense. A small that often clung to Copia. 

Using all the courage you could find, you told Copia exactly what you told Papa in the confessional. Explaining to him how you longed for someone who didn’t long for you. You insecure you felt when it came to him, how inadequate. The final comment being the one that caused Copia to speak. 

Leading up to that point, he had just been nodding and watching your lips move intently. His eyes occasionally jumping to yours but then back down again. Looking anywhere else he could. It came as a slight shock to you when he spoke. You hadn’t expected his voice to sound so soon. 

“Sister, I know how you feel.” His own admission shocking you, “I, too, have someone who I yearn for, but sometimes feelings like this just aren’t reciprocated” 

His words cutting through you like a hot knife through butter. The sting of finding out firsthand that someone had his attention. Giving you even less hope of a positive outcome from this talk. 

“I can see the hurt on your face, sister.” You had tried your best to hide your hurt from him, but apparently you weren’t doing as good a job as you thought. Your tears stinging as they finally fell. “But if I could sister, I would like to say something” he spoke again, your pain evident as you turned to lock eyes with him “you are beautiful, you are kind, a man who wishes to not have you by his side is a fool. You spill your insecurities to me and I can only tell you how wrong you are. You see yourself as unloveable, but I promise there will be someone who will love you. Even if the man who you desire does not” 

His words slashing at your heart. Each word like a new blade being pushed through a magician’s sword box. Your heart the willing victim sitting inside. 

“Sister, if I may I have a question to ask” thinking that you couldn’t get any more hurt than you already were, you gave him permission to ask, “who is the man you ache for” 

“I’m sorry, cardinal” you couldn’t answer his question. 

Your body kicking into fight-or-flight mode, and it easily chose flight. As you stood, you tried and walk away. The tears now running heavy down your cheeks as you tried your best to keep the wrecked sob inside of you. 

Complete shock coursing through your veins when a hand grabbed onto your arm to stop you. Effectively turning you around. His arms enclosing around you, pulling you into his chest. Your own arms instinctively wrapping around him. Your fingers gripping into his pellegrina. 

He didn’t speak. He just held you as you sobbed into him. His being flooding all your senses in ways that you had dreamed, but never in a circumstance like this. His body felt so warm and comforting against yours as his gloved hands soothed up and down your back. You could hear his heart beating in his chest as your ear rested so close to it. 

When your sobbing finally eased, he pulled away from you. You could imagine how you looked by the tear stains soaking through his cassock. The patch on his chest larger that you thought. 

“Sister, it pains me to see you like this” his voice soft as he looked down at you. His finger coming to rest under your chin as he forced you to look at him. “Tell me why you are crying?” 

You just shook your head. Trying to divert your eyes anywhere from him. Trying to ignore the feeling of his hand coming up to smooth over your cheek. Trying to ignore that he was even in front of you. 

“Sister, this man. He is not worth your heartache. My intentions were to not make you so upset, but I can’t let you leave like this. I would not feel right knowing you were going to your rooms to cry into your pillow” his thumb moved over your cheek, collecting the tears that were there. 

Even though he knew of what you dreamed to do right now, you were grateful he would not let you leave to do so. Crying and screaming into your pillow seemed comforting, but it would not give you the memory of being in Copia’s arms. Crying into him as he tried his best to calm you down. 

“Cara Mia, I promise you that one day these feelings will ebb, and you will find someone deserving of your love” his voice soft, calming. It almost caused you to break down again. Which you surely would have done if you didn’t just waste all your energy crying into him. 

“Its you” the words shocking you as they just slipped out. Copia’s head cocking to the side in confusion. “I long for you, Cardinal. I am so sorry I placed this emotional burden on you-” 

The anger bubbling within you when his mouth broke into a smile, a small laugh escaping from his lips as he quickly realised what you had just confessed. You wished to pull away from him, to call him rude names as he laughed at you. 

“It would seem we are both Idiota” his smile never wavering. 

Before you could reply his lips were on yours. His moustache tickling your upper lip. Too shocked to reciprocate, you stood there, stiff as he pulled away from you. Your brain finally catching up to what was happening, you use all the strength you had left to pull him back to you. Your lips crashing into his as you both embraced each other. The passion running through you both as the kiss quickly deepened. His tongue asking for entrance as you happily allowed it. 

Hands groping where they could, as you tasted coffee on his lips, desperate to taste more; but he pulled away. Both of you breathing heavily, the oxygen welcomed in both of your lungs. 

The night going in a way you had never expected. As you stood there, Copia’s arms around you and his forehead leaning softly against yours; his lips occasionally coming to steal kisses from you. The night having started off a mess, something you wished to end, and it be forgotten quickly turned into a night you could never forget. 

You had so many questions you wished to ask him, like why he would not make his own interest in you known, but those were questions that would have to wait for another night. Tonight was the night that you finally kissed the cardinal

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at Popiaswhitesuit


End file.
